Introduction

Some simple questions, such as ‘what am I going to do for the rest of my life?’ have really difficult answers.  They’re especially difficult if you’re over forty, single, and suddenly struck with the realisation that you’re never going to be a pop star, a weather man, or a motorcycle racer.

I thought I had everything sorted out when I was in my thirties: I was married, had a good job as a software developer, and owned my own home.  I thought I was on that eternal trajectory that included kids, a wife that tolerates you, and a couple of holidays a year. Then a series of unexpected changes happened: my marriage imploded and I was forced to move to Milton Keynes. Milton Keynes isn’t a great place to be if you’re not very happy. Due to a change in jobs, and life, I eventually ended up living in Lewisham, South East London.

One evening, sitting in front of the television watching soap operas in my pyjamas, whilst drinking a can of strong lager, I chastised myself: ‘this can’t go on; I’ve got to do something’. This thought was followed with a question: ‘What could I be doing tonight?’  I realised two things.  Firstly, that I had accidentally found myself living in one of the most dynamic and exciting capital cities on earth.  Secondly, since I didn’t know what to do with the rest of my life, perhaps I should try to do everything.  It was that moment that I decided that I was going to have a ‘sensible’ midlife crisis by visiting one hundred randomly chosen Meetup groups.

Okay, I need to explain.  Meetup is an app that you can install on your smartphone. It tells you whether there are any ‘groups’ that are near to you. What I mean by ‘groups’ is real people who get together and do stuff.  Before Meetup, if you had an interest in, say, dress making, carpentry, drawing or motorcycles you would find a course at a local college, scour adverts in a local newspaper, or ask your mates.  Meetup makes finding ‘clubs’ of like-minded people a breeze.

So, how would I go about doing everything? I figured that I needed a set of rules to help me to make a choice about what to do. My first rule was: ‘you have to do a Meetup group whenever you have some free time’. I’ll call this the ‘free time’ rule. The idea is to do something when I’m not working or doing any of the essential life maintenance stuff that we all need to do, such as shopping or washing. 

The second rule is the ‘Meetup choice’ rule. This is important; it’s the rule that guides how I choose a group.  The basis of my choice will be a combination of three different things: my geographical location, what is on the Meetup calendar, and travelling time. I’m usually at one of two different places: my office in central London, or at home in Lewisham. If I’m at my office, or in the middle of the city, I open up the calendar and choose the first group that I see on the calendar that is half an hour into the future. Similarly, if I’m lounging around at home, I choose a group that is an hour into the future, giving give me sufficient time to get to wherever I needed to go.

If it turns out that I’m not able to go to the next group in sufficient time, or there are no places available in the group, I need to apply rule three: the ‘bank Meetup group’ rule. ‘Banking’ is an innovation which means that I have to ‘join’ the group, make a note of it, and visit it at the next available opportunity.

The forth rule is the ‘no choice’ rule. This means I have to go to a group regardless of whether I would like to go there or not.  If a group is all about cat juggling, or extreme tidying, I go, irrespective of what it is.

Rule five is the ‘London focus only please’ rule. I’ve seen Meetup groups that advertise holidays and trips to other countries.  My focus is primarily about London and Londoners. Out of town trips are okay, providing that they are connected to London is some vague or tangential way. I’m not going on holidays, no matter how enticing they appear.

Rule six is the ‘no repeat’ rule: I can go to a group only once. I can only go back to a group when the one hundred Meetup quest is completed.  Rule seven is the ‘necessary equipment’ rule. This means that if I need a Kung-Fu outfit or have to visit a Dungeon and Dragon’s shop to buy some stickers, I have to ‘bank’ that group (and, again, go to that group whenever possible).

You have to pay to attend some meetup groups; you either have to pay the organiser, or you have to pay for the ‘thing’ that the Meetup group is doing. Obviously, it’s got to be a reasonable amount of money, but the judgement about ‘reasonableness’ totally depends on the type of event.  Rule eight is the ‘you’re going to go to paid events, except in circumstances where you’re obviously getting involved in some kind of scam’ rule.

Of course, it’s entirely possible that I may discover an event that isn’t appropriate for a low-fat, middle class white dude like myself. No matter.  In this situation, what I do is send a gentle email to the event organiser, explain what I’m doing (under the vague cover of being a ‘journalist’), and ask if I can still come down to find out more about a particular group or community. I’ll call this the, ‘let’s not get into too much trouble and be generally respectful of others, but at the same time try learn more stuff’ rule, also known as rule nine: the ‘inappropriate Meetup group’.

Before I start, there’s something that I must say. This madness is neither endorsed nor condoned by the company that runs the Meetup app.  I don’t work for Meetup and I have no connection with them (other than popping into their offices to say ‘hello’ to them once). They’ve haven’t paid me to do any of this stuff.  I’m just a bloke, who lives in London, who is trying to figure out what to do with the rest of his life.